Trusting Again: The Secret Power of Simple Choice

Trusting Again: The Secret Power of Simple Choice

I used to believe trust had to be earned. It seemed logical—if someone betrayed you, they had to prove themselves before you let them back in. But the more I’ve wrestled with trust and forgiveness in my own life, the more I’ve realized something insightful: Trust is not earned. It is always a choice.

That realization changed how I viewed relationships, especially broken ones. Perhaps no story illustrates this better than the real-life journey of Scott and Christine Dente.

A Love Story Tested

Scott and Christine, known to many as the Christian music duo Out of the Grey, built a life together as husband and wife and partners in music and ministry. From the outside, they seemed to have the perfect story—faith, music, and marriage beautifully intertwined. But like any marriage, their story wasn’t without its struggles.

Scott made a choice that could have destroyed their relationship—one that broke Christine’s trust in a profound way. He was unfaithful. Scott's choice shook the foundation of their marriage. Betrayal has a way of doing that. It doesn’t just hurt—it rewrites history. Everything that was once safe and certain suddenly feels like a lie.

Christine had a decision to make. She could walk away, and no one would have blamed her. Or she could choose to forgive.

While painful, she was willing to extend forgiveness. But trust? That was different.

Scott, on the other hand, had his own choice to make. He had to decide whether to simply say, I’m sorry, or do the hard work of changing—of becoming someone his wife could trust again.

Their relationship wasn’t healed in a single moment. It wasn’t tied up in a neat little bow with an instant reconciliation. It was a journey—a slow, deliberate, and sometimes painful process of rebuilding what had been lost. And at the heart of it all was the reality that trust could never be earned. It could only be chosen.

Trust Is Not Earned—It’s Given

This concept challenges us the most. We want to believe that people must earn our trust after they break it. But the truth is, no one can ever genuinely earn trust. Even if someone jumps through every hoop, does all the right things, and never messes up again, we can still choose to withhold trust.

Through my own experiences, I learned that Trust is never a matter of merit—it’s a matter of choice.

Think about it. Have you ever met someone who had never done anything to hurt you, yet you still didn’t fully trust them? Or have you ever seen someone who had broken trust multiple times, yet their loved one still chose to believe in them?

The difference isn’t in the person’s actions—it’s in the choice of the one deciding whether to trust.

In Scott and Christine’s case, Christine eventually chose to trust again. This was not necessarily because Scott had earned it but because she saw his heart and consistent actions. It was her courageous decision to open herself up again.

Trust is risky. It requires vulnerability. It means saying, I am willing to let you back in, knowing you could hurt me again. That’s why it’s terrifying. But it’s also why it’s so powerful.

Forgiveness Opens the Door to Trust

The pre-trust stage is where forgiveness plays a key role. I used to think forgiveness was the same as trusting again, but it’s not.

Forgiveness is the decision to release someone from the debt they owe you. It means saying, "I will not hold this over your head anymore. I will not expect you to pay for what you’ve done."

But forgiveness does not automatically restore trust.

Some people think they must not have genuinely forgiven if they still feel the pain of past hurts. That’s not true. Forgiveness doesn’t erase emotions; it simply sets you free from the need for repayment. Healing takes time. Trust takes time.

And yet, without forgiveness, you cannot rebuild trust.

Christine’s choice to forgive Scott didn’t mean she instantly trusted him again. It simply meant she was willing to begin the process.

How Trust Is Rebuilt

So, if trust isn’t earned, how do we rebuild it when it’s broken? How do we choose to trust again without being reckless?

Here’s what I’ve learned:

The One Who Broke Trust Must Choose Repentance

Scott didn’t just say, I’m sorry. He chose to change. He recognized that his actions came from deeper patterns—ways of thinking and behaving that had led to his failure. He had to identify those patterns and replace them with healthier ones.

If trust is going to be rebuilt, the person who broke it must take responsibility—not just for the action, but for the heart issues that led to it.

The One Who Was Hurt Must Choose Openness

It would have been easier for Christine to put a wall up and never trust again. That’s what self-protection does—it keeps us from getting hurt again. But walls that keep out pain also keep out love.

Rebuilding trust requires the one who was hurt to take small, intentional steps toward vulnerability again. It doesn’t mean jumping in blindly but allowing room for restoration.

Honest Communication Is Non-Negotiable

One of the most significant factors in rebuilding trust is ongoing, honest dialogue. In relationships, we often assume that “time heals all wounds.” But time alone doesn’t heal anything—only God does. And He does it over time.

Scott and Christine still had to talk through the hard stuff. Scott had to ask, “What can I do to regain trust?” Christine had to share, “Here’s where I still struggle to trust you.”

Without transparency, trust can’t grow.

Trust Is Ultimately a Decision

This idea is the most challenging truth to accept but also the most freeing. No amount of changed behavior can force someone to trust you again. And no amount of skepticism can prevent someone from choosing to trust.

Christine had to decide: Will I trust Scott again?

And Scott had to decide: Will I keep choosing honesty and integrity, even if Christine isn’t fully ready to trust me yet?

Choosing to Trust Again

Scott and Christine’s story doesn’t mean that every broken relationship should be restored. Sometimes, trust is broken in ways that make reconciliation unwise or unsafe. But their story does show that when both people are willing to do the work, trust can be rebuilt—not because it’s earned, but because it’s chosen.

I’ve come to see that trust is one of the greatest gifts we can give someone. It’s risky and scary but also the only way relationships can survive and thrive.

Maybe you’re on the side of having broken trust, wondering if someone will ever believe in you again. Or perhaps you’re on the side of being betrayed, wondering if you’ll ever heal again.

Wherever you are, know this: You hold the power to decide what you’ll do next.