The Hardest Lesson in Leadership: It’s Not About You
Leadership is a gift. At least that’s what I’ve been told. But if you’ve ever led anything—a team, a company, a church, a family—you know it doesn’t always feel that way. Leadership carries weight. Sure, the pressure to meet expectations and the burden of responsibility are a part of that weight. But if I’m honest, the greatest challenge of leading people is that people have real struggles, complex agendas, and lots of emotions. It can make leadership feel more like a test than a privilege. But there is a tough lesson that I have learned about leadership: it’s not about you (or me).
The Weight of Leadership
I learned this lesson through multiple experiences, both successes and failures. But this lesson is most clearly demonstrated in the life of a leader who carried responsibility longer than most people would have survived under it. He had a vision, a mission, and about 1.5 million people to lead, and yet, in the end, he never got to step into the thing he had worked toward for decades. That leader was Moses.
God gave Moses a monumental task—to lead an entire nation out of slavery and into a promised future. However, leadership is never as simple as merely having a vision. Moses didn’t just lead; he carried the weight of a people who resisted him every step of the way. They grumbled. They rebelled. They made his job harder than it needed to be. Yet he kept going. He kept going because not leading was not an option for him. After all, he had been placed in this position by God Himself.
The Leadership Trap
But even the greatest leaders are human. And for one brief moment, Moses blurred the line between his role and God’s. The moment happened in the wilderness, when the people were complaining—again—about water. God told Moses to speak to a rock, and water would flow out of it, enough to provide for the people and animals. But Moses, frustrated and exhausted from years of dealing with these people, took his staff and struck the rock instead. And he said something that revealed the deeper issue in his heart. “Listen, you rebels!” he shouted. “Must WE bring you water from this rock?” (Numbers 20:10, NLT).
The “we” referred to Moses and Aaron. It was subtle, but in that moment, he took ownership of something that was never his to claim. The miracle was not his or Aaron’s to provide. The authority was not his own. His leadership was not about him - at least it was not supposed to be.
And because of that one moment, God told Moses that he would not be the one to lead the people into the Promised Land. It wasn’t just about disobedience. It was about something bigger.
[T]he Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust me enough to demonstrate my holiness to the people of Israel, you will not lead them into the land I am giving them!” (Numbers 20:12, NLT).
Moses had failed to keep God holy in front of the people. This is a leadership trap. When we lead for long enough, pour ourselves into people, and give everything we have to a mission, there’s a temptation to start believing that success depends on us. We start assuming that we are the ones making things happen and holding it all together. But we are not. Leadership is stewardship, not ownership. And the moment we forget that, we begin walking a dangerous path.
When the Dream Isn’t Yours to Finish
I can’t imagine what it felt like for Moses to hear those words from God—that after everything, after 40 years of sacrifice, he would not step foot into the land of promise. And yet, what strikes me the most is not his disappointment, but his humility.
Moses never stopped leading. He could have. He could have checked out emotionally when God told him he wouldn’t enter the land. He could have withdrawn, become bitter, or just gone through the motions. But instead, he leaned in. He kept teaching, guiding, and investing in the people he had led for so long. And because of that, we have the book of Deuteronomy—Moses’ final sermon series to the next generation.
That is true leadership. Leadership is not about achieving personal success. It’s about making sure the people we serve are equipped for what comes next, even if we don’t get to be part of it.
This is a part of leadership that no one talks about. What happens when the vision you have carried isn’t yours to complete? What happens when you give everything, but the reward goes to someone else? What happens when you lead people to the edge of something great, but God says your part in the story ends here?
The Weight of Leadership: A Warning from Moses
But there is something in Deuteronomy that catches my attention. Twice—once in Deuteronomy 1:37 and again in Deuteronomy 3:26—Moses says something that almost sounds like he’s blaming the people for his own mistake:
“The LORD was angry with me because of you.”
At first glance, it feels like Moses is shifting responsibility. But when we take a closer look, we see something else. Moses isn’t denying his sin—he knows his failure to uphold God’s holiness is what cost him the Promised Land. But he’s also acknowledging something that every leader understands: people can create the conditions for failure.
Now I repeat, Moses’ failure is NOT the people's fault. At the same time, Moses’ sin didn’t happen in a vacuum. It happened in a moment of deep frustration, after years of leading a rebellious, difficult people. His disobedience was his own, but their attitudes and resistance set the emotional and spiritual stage for his failure. That’s what he meant when he said, “because of you.” Not that it was their fault, but that their rebellion created the perfect storm in which his frustration got the best of him.
Don’t Let People Set You Up for Failure
That’s the warning for every leader. People will frustrate you. They will push your limits. They will complain, resist, and misunderstand your decisions. And if you’re not careful, you might find yourself leading from frustration rather than faithfulness. You might find yourself thinking it's all about you.
Moses struck the rock because, at that moment, he lost sight of who leadership really belonged to. He took ownership of something that wasn’t his. And that one moment of rebellion cost him his place in the vision he had carried for forty years.
Let that sink in.
One moment. One mistake. One failure to keep God holy in the eyes of the people. And Moses’ part in the journey ended.
Leadership is a gift, but it comes with a weight. If you allow frustration to cloud your perspective, you could make a decision that costs you everything.
But Keep Leading Anyway
The truth is, most leaders will have moments where frustration gets the best of them. Most of us will have failures along the way. Maybe not as public or as costly as Moses’—but we will make terrible, hurtful, poor decisions. The question is, what do you do after the mistake?
Moses didn’t get what he wanted, but he kept leading because he knew that leadership is never about personal achievement but about propelling others forward. That’s what sets great leaders apart.
Leaders who understand leadership isn’t about them can move past personal failure because they know the mission is bigger than their own success.
That’s why Moses kept going. He kept teaching and preparing Israel for the land, even though he wouldn’t step foot in it himself.
So if you find yourself in a moment of failure, frustration, or setback, don’t withdraw. Keep leading. Do the next right thing. Keep investing in others. Keep pouring into the vision, even if someone else will get to see it completed.
Because the most remarkable leaders don’t just lead when the reward is theirs, they lead so that the mission continues, long after they’re gone.
Final Thought: A Challenge for Every Leader
How do you handle leadership when frustration rises? Do you recognize the weight of your responsibility? Are you careful not to take ownership of what isn’t yours to claim? And if you’ve ever found yourself in a Moses moment—where frustration led to failure—what did you do next?
The real test of leadership isn’t just in getting it right every time; it’s in what you do after you’ve gotten it wrong.
